December 13, 2018

Dear Yellow Rebel 🌻

Dear November,


     There was this flowerpot at this particular corner at my home. It was cold there but still this flower bloomed, a brilliant, defiant yellow. When temperature receded further, the yellow rebel reached up and whispered to the dull winter sky - FUCK YOU.

     This November was about defiance. To deviate from what I ought to and towards what I want to. To mindfully not meet some people. To turn pages and not scroll screens.
To be great at anything you gotta grind and love it. And I decided if I am going to grind, it will be with a smile. I am at this point where I am trying not to lean into my anxiety (because I am prone to doing that) and trusting the process.

     So, thank you November for being kind and letting me bloom.
And we must all aspire to be that flower and give ourselves chance to bloom. 🌻

Hello December ❤
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November 2, 2018

Indulge but Never Dwell.

Highs and lows,
crests and troughs.

Dear October,

     When I read a book I never highlight nor do I fold papers (I don't want my books to think that I don't love them) but I use multiple bookmarks. I can't always re-read my favorite books but with bookmarks I can re-visit my favorite pages.
Re-read them, Re-live them. 
And dear October, I have bookmarked you as my favorite month of the year.

Now,
as an adult one often comprehends, sooner or later, that life takes its own course no matter how differently you would like to shape it. And its okay. Countless books and movies would suggest destiny is in our own hands but little bit of crookedness and mystery is perfectly alright. It keeps things exciting.

But,
as an adult you would be bogged with monotony, no matter how exciting you life is. Highs and lows, crests and troughs. And you would lose touch with things you love - reading, writing, dancing, playing... laughing.

     Last few years have been hard. And without getting into it too much - I started let go of things I love. So you October, I decided, would be mine. I would indulge and not dwell. And I can conclude lot can happen when you decide that things should change.
Friends were united.
Foes were forgiven.
Love re-kindled.
Drinks were poured.
There was dancing, lots of dancing.
Read pending books.
Met new friends.
Tried new things.
And now re-starting to write.

And,
I almost didn't plan anything. One thing led to another. So yes, lot can happen when you just decide that things must change. So October, you were a benchmark. You will never really fully understand you were such a massive gift and what you have done for my soul. Thank you.

And now, November.
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April 16, 2018

13 Reasons Why

13 random facts about my mum (13 Reasons Why)



1. She claims that she has migration. She means migraine.
2. She claims that she has been stabbed with scissors when she was a child.
3. She drinks soda when she has gastritis. "It soothes me", she says. (Whatevs)
4. She carelessly let me have too many chocolates when I was a child that led to multiple tooth decay. (Bad Parenting)
5. She has lil' bit of Newari Tone. (So What)
6. My friends call her "Hasne auntie or Chocolate auntie." (Remember my tooth decay.)
7. She loves Rekha and has her picture on her dressing table (not ours) and her favorite color is Burgundy. Why? Because Rekha loves it too, duhhh!
8. Terrible singer. She can't sing to save her life. Neither can I.
9. I get my thick hair from her. And most of my face.
10. Her friend stole her notebook right before her Masters exam. They are not in touch. She has some bad friends.
11. She named me Pritish. Other family members protested. She lost. Now I am Shailesh.
12. She loves "Bakula and Mula ko tarkari." (So Weird)
13. Her son loves her very much.



Timi haroo pani mero aama ko mukh hera la and Happy mothers day to all the mums in the world. You all make life bearable <3
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March 21, 2018

Incredibly boring article.





I wanted to begin by writing the summary on Environment Protection Act 2053 BS/1997 AD but after reading it thoroughly (twice) I would much rather critique it or better ignore it. Bear in mind that it was written (formulated?) more than two decades ago. The entire paper has superbly worded pages, a Royal seal which at that time meant serious business (I guess) and if you can read between the lines, “FAILURE” written all over it. Written 10 years before the first generation iPhone was released, the act is yet to be revised let alone implemented. TRAGIC!!!
Let me shift your focus to sound pollution – ignored among the pollution bretherin but still brutal. One of the major noise polluters in Kathmandu is the saw mills (among million others) that have been established as furniture factories in residential areas. Such factories should not have been allowed to register within the Ring Road under the policy of the Department of Cottage Industries, but they are to be found everywhere in the Valley. The government has not given serious priority to control such sound pollution even under the Environment Protection Act, 1997. No single authority has the responsibility or capacity to minimize any form of noise pollution under the prevailing law. I found this article written on The Himalayan Times dated March 22, 2006 stating that when the concerned authority were asked about the sound pollution inside the Ring Road, they answered that without a legal framework, they were also handicapped to take any legal action against such factories. In some areas, even municipalities are unknowingly regularizing such saw mills while collecting local taxes. (And that was on 2006 and it was impossible to find any other legit articles on the net on this topic, except for one in The Kathmandu Post about pros and cons on sound pollution. Come on ‘The Kathmandu Post’, you can do better.)
During my not-so-extensive research I found –
1. A woman in Bhaisepati pleading to the Internet about how can she proceed legally to stop noise pollution from factory near her place with zero reply to the thread. Yes ZERO. (I feel you sister. From one frustrated city dweller to another, I hope you found the peace.)
2. Thesis paper posted on ICIMOD website - 2005. (Topic : “Neighborhood noise pollution in residential area and noise control law : Case study of furniture factory in Baluwatar residential area.”) It was barred from logging in. I tried to contact the author but they have made it impossibly hard to do so. (Working for FBI mister?)
3. Article published on April 14, 2017 by the Ministry of Finance in the Nepal. Stating – Section 36 of the Labour Act, 1992 (Yes, 1992) has vested on the government the power to determine standards of safety at work place. So permissible exposure limit of 90 dBA. And as we all know they are strictly implementing it (Major eyeroll).
The government has not given serious priority to control such activities even under the Environment Protection Act, 1997. No single authority has the responsibility or capacity to minimise any form of noise pollution under the prevailing law.
There are few laws that provide provisions on noise pollution in Nepal. The Civil Aviation Act, 1958 provides a provision to control airplane noise, the Explosives Act, 1961 is to regulate noise from the use of explosives to some extent. But the major noise pollution in the city is from vehicular traffic and textile/metal cutting industries, which have not been covered by any legal framework in Nepal. Provisions controlling noise from other range of accessories like power tools, air conditioners, amplified music should also be taken care in this context. The government has not given serious priority to control such activities even under the Environment Protection Act, 1997. No single authority has the responsibility or capacity to minimise any form of noise pollution under the prevailing law.
And that is all. I, like many of you are, am a victim of things beyond my control. I have tried my best (for years now) to curb the sound pollution in my area, but you know how the story ends. I have written to concerned parties like Department of Environment, Pulchowk, Hariharbhawan and they did not reply. I was not surprised though. I have, now, made a formal complaint to Ward Office but I have little faith in them. So, if anyone of you have any information or suggestion as to what should be next appropriate move – please do share or DM me. Or like that woman in Bhaisepati, I will try to find my peace. Now, ending my rant.
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December 18, 2017

Yellow, Red and White.

Yellow,
        Big ball of fire we call Sun.
        The flower in the park that stands proud.
        The walls in my room.

Red,
        That runs in my body.
        The anger in our eyes.
        Every bride.

White,
        The distant Mountains.
        Cold mornings.
        The cloudy sky.

I wonder if my Yellow, Red and White are your Yellow, Red and White.
May be you see differently than I,
and we see differently than them.

May be my Yellow big  ball of fire is your Red big ball of fire.
That way distant mountains, cold morning and
everything in between look different to us.

I have been told that we all are different.
Perhaps we all are.
Isn't that beautiful?
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December 17, 2017

यस्तै हो ।

WORD : Kafkaesque (kafkəˈɛsk) : Characteristic or reminiscent of the oppressive or nightmarish qualities of Franz Kafka's fictional world. "A Kafkaesque bureaucratic office."
EXAMPLE : I submitted my papers on 30th of November and was strictly summoned on the 15th day of submission which I obliged to. So today (17th of December) I went to collect my certificates at "Office of the Controller of Examination". An old man with a rectangular myopic glasses dismissed my papers stating his superior hasn't showed up since last 4 days. "But you called me today", I said as calmly as possible. From inside of dingy old office-window he shrugged and said, "यस्तै हो ।" And other people in line confirmed it happened to them as well.
SOLUTION : I wasn't too angry. In many ways I had expected this. It has happened to me in Nepal Medical Council and other Government Offices. And they would reject as if it was their right. No apologies. No shame. So today I decided I'd complain. But where and who to blame? I looked for a complain box, searched online, got frustrated, went for a coffee instead.
QUESTION : What do we do? Where do we complain? And who are these absent superiors? Why यस्तै हो? Did we allow this to propagate? Did I?
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July 14, 2016

You in my mind.

     We try to stay in touch… and sometimes we fail.
     
     We make Skype dates that fall through. I forget about your weird time zone and text you in the middle of the night. Calls get dropped and plans change, and we both get busy with a thousand different little things—until we haven’t talked in months.


     But when we do talk, nothing has changed. We can fall back into our old selves without missing a beat. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed: our jokes are just as strange and pointless as ever, and we can still make each other laugh until it’s hard to breathe. We just keep catching each other up on every little thing in our lives—until we’ve been talking for hours.

     We both have other lives.

     And I’ll try to remember that… even when you’re posting pictures on Facebook of brunch with your new friends. I won’t tell you I think they look kinda basic. I’ll try to understand that you still need to have brunch, even when I’m not there.

     And you should know that no matter how many other friends make it into my profile picture, I haven’t replaced you. I could never find anyone else with your specific brand of strange and awesome.

     I know that we’ll both change.

     It’s just so WEIRD that we’re not in the same place, and yet somehow the space-time continuum hasn’t ruptured. And it’s weirder that we’re both going to keep changing without each other.

     I know we’ll stay friends, even as we keep growing. I know that just because you’ve gone vegan and joined a ska band, it doesn’t mean you’re leaving me behind. I’ll try to remember the names of all the people in your office so you can whine about them, and you’ll try to give me advice on prospective romantic partners you’ve never met.

     Because I’m still here for you.

     I love you, no matter what stupid place you live in. I love you, even if we only talk once a year. You can still call me in a crisis, or to tell me big news, or even just to talk about how you finally started binge-watching Friends (I’ve only been telling you to watch it for like, years, but whatever).

     And I know that no matter how many times you move, you’re there for me too.

     I will always count the days until I can see you again.

     No matter how much we suck at communicating, nothing will stop me from squeezing the life out of you when you’re finally back in town. I will always be deliriously happy to see you. I will always ditch my local friends just to talk about nonsense with you.

     So hurry up and come visit.

By Charlotte Ahlin.
(Dear author, thank you for knowing exactly how I feel / need to say).
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June 8, 2016

Life is this big fat stinking mess and I am trying to figure it out.

     I am currently staring blank at the screen. Still staring.
     
     I decided that I would write today. What about? I do not know. But write I must. Its something that I have enjoyed doing / pursuing but.. but.. life happened (I have a knack for DRAMA). So let's get on with it, shall we?

     I turned 28 yesterday. Yes, TWENTY friggin' EIGHT. And if you have known me at all, you would also know how often I would mention that 28 would be the perfect age. At 28, you are neither too old nor young. You neither look like an uncooked pasta nor a burnt toast - So to say you look just right; like a ripe fruit ready to be eaten. And above all you do not have to live through pang of age 29 when you would stress over how you are turning 30. Ahh!! You see, I fantasized about age 28 quite a lot. My younger self thought I would have figured out everything by the time I would be 28. And at 28, I AM STILL FIGURING. And silly as you might think I am - by 28, I thought, I would have a home of my own, a burgeoning career, fantastic look, and many more stuff that would be embarrassing for me if I mention them now. To sum it up I had a vision of myself as a grown-up. It included making large abstract paintings in a huge barn (I used to paint then), or perhaps, write. I pictured being the kind of man who owned a barn that had been converted into a painting studio with cozy corners where I would write as well. I pictured having a stained glass window in the barn. I wanted to own horses too and tons of other animals. I do not know where I thought I would keep the horses if I were painting in the barn or writing in those cozy corners. May be that's what being optimistic is like. You do not worry about where the horses are going to sleep. Now, I am pragmatic. #FactoNotVerba

     My point is life has not turned up exactly like I thought it would. If you asked me not too long ago (let's say last year) where I saw myself in a year, I would tell you that this was not it. Everything I am right now is nothing like I thought I would have been. And may be that's the beauty of it. So may be this year will be amazing for me. Or may be not. I would be better at what I am doing, progress and may be 28 would be everything I thought it would be. Or not. Or may be tomorrow meteor will smash the earth, another earthquake will wreck it's havoc, or it won't. Life is this big fat stinking mess. BUT THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT TOO. Age 28 and life is what I make of it. And you see I already have vision for when I turn 30. Because, WHY NOT?

     And.. by 28 I wanted to have people around me who I love and eventually plan my life with. And at 27, I decided I would spend my special day with those special people. And I did. Sanyukta, Usha, Sarthak and Triyug. Thank you for everything. This post is for you guys. Stay insanely happy and weird.

Love XX.
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November 9, 2015

My new partner : Myself XX



Your wish. Your way.
Yes, maturity is counted in damages and not in years.
Damages that you've endured and SURVIVED.
But I choose not to get hurt from you anymore. I'm done prioritizing things and people.
Now, It's my wish. My way.
P.S. I will never go to Jazzmandu with you. Never ever.
... ... ... ... 
     
     Circumstances in life often takes us places we never intend to go. We visit some places of beauty, others of pain and desolation. I think any time you go through a season or trail in your life, your spiritual faith deepens. It's something beautiful that comes out of difficult time. But my faith in you have diminished. It's flickering light. Warm but useless

     Once, at the reading desk in 2nd or 3rd grade, my best friend offered me a chewing gum - the one in his mouth. He was picking his nose and saw me looking at him. I stuck my tongue out at him, because that is what I did a lot of time, when I was 7 or 8 years old. So he offered me a chewing gum straight from his mouth and I will not forget that.

     When I was little, actually right around the same time that my friend was offering me the chewing gum at the reading desk; I had a vision of myself as a grown-up. It included making large abstract paintings in a huge barn (I used to paint then), or perhaps, write. I pictured being the kind of man who owned a barn that had been converted into a painting studio with cozy corners where I'd write as well. I pictured having a stained glass window in the barn. I wanted to own horses too and tons of other animals. I don’t know where I thought I would keep the horses if I were painting in the barn or writing in those cozy corners. May be that's what being optimistic is like. You don’t worry about where the horses are going to sleep. Now, I am pragmatic. #FactoNotVerba


     I've not come any closer to owning a horse than I've come to owning a flat.

     And I turn the pages of an old photo album. Scrutinize a picture where I look happy. The face that stares back at me in the photograph is soulful and earnest. He looks slightly shy but self-assured. He has big brown eyes. His hair is swept to the side. Red colorful sweater. It must have been a winter just like now. So much has changed. But he doesn’t look familiar to me.

     He looks like someone I would like to know. I think I will give him a call and see if we can meet for coffee.

     I wonder if I could have just skipped meeting lots of people that I've met, skipped the trying so hard to make myself match a stranger, and gone straight to the source. Made a profile for the person I really wanted to meet : myself.

     This morning, make arrangements with yourself to meet for coffee. Find that one outfit in your closet that you feel most yourself in, and dress to meet your self. Make sure you have clean fingernails and do not wear stained or ripped sweat pants. Dress in a way that pleases you and says to your inner self, “You are worth taking care.” Try saying this to yourself : “You are doing a good job becoming your true self.”

     Sit by the lake or in the park, on a bench and notice the ways in which your hand curls beautifully around the steaming cup. Appreciate the feel of the air ruffling your hair. Say hello to the perfect person for you.

     Let your shiny self meet your rumpled self. Be in public with your new partner - you. Notice the way your toes curl when you are happy. Just the way you are.
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December 30, 2014

One blanket at a time.


    
I had decided (and should have) written this a while ago.

    Sub-zero temperature outside my window but I am writing this from the comfort of my room; neatly tucked into my bed within the proximity and the warmth of the heater. Sipping a hot mug of coffee. This is a sheer privilege (?). It had never occurred to me before; not even once. It took 5 days trip and the group of highly motivated people to make me realize this. Almost an epiphany. A blessing.

1.


I saw the birds as big as dogs.
Wild buffaloes.
The snake with the biggest girth that I had ever laid my eyes upon.
Weird lunch.
Broken languages.
Got lost and found in translations.
Dew drops and cow-dung air.
Walked on the sandy path (fun in the beginning but wears you out eventually).
Walked "God-Knows-Where" for hours.
Uncomfortable mini-van.
Back of a Toyota-truck.
And both of our commute would come to a sudden halt either due to over heating or because it got stuck in a sand pit. And it took our "Manual-Laborious-Hands-on" push to get it out of the pit.
So much more..

    .. so much more. But this is not about that bird as big as dog or those commute which came into a halt. Its about the stories I / We came across. About the people. About them. About us..

    .. about that old woman, easily into her late 60's or early 70's, who came to see me for some "gotti (=medicine)" to relieve her aching back and joint. She came clumsily draped in vibrant yellow saree. Ethnic tattoos etched into her skin. Brown shiny skin. Green teeth / No teeth. Disheveled hair. Crooked smile. Foul breath.
    Did what I could. She acknowledged as if she understood what I had just explained to her. One kind policeman who was our translator ushered her to leave to make room for the patient next in line. She began to cry. And yes I had seen few tears during this trip but it wasn't one of those. It was neither to lure us into getting her more gotti's / blankets nor to share her story. It was one of those spontaneous bursts of tears. "I have no clothes to wear, no food to eat, no windows to seal from cold." Now that was heart breaking. She was pulled out into the crowd and was quickly replaced by another patient with her own tale to tell, her own woes to share. The previous woman's part in my story was over. But I remember her face and how she cried. And her summarized story.

    This was one among the few hundred stories I came across during this short trip.

2.


     I was a part of Nyano Sansar during their trip to "Saptari." We made Rajbiraj our pit-stop and each morning we would, with all our might, go to the nearest village distributing blankets, warm clothes and providing medical assistance. It took few policemen on uniform, some locals, and 10 of us, truck load of goods, and a van to get the job done. When the trip began Max had looked at me said "Welcome to the Madness." And that was madness all-right, and circus which I was about to find out.


3.


     Now let me tell something about Max. Something about this black diary I keep.


    I jot down names of all the people I have come across that I find motivating / inspiring. These are my private heroes. There are names of some random strangers, others I know closely. Now Max is in it. He is one of the most amazing soul that I have come across lately. He is the brain and muscle behind the noble team called "Nyano Sansar." And if you haven't heard about it yet you ought to do something about your broken brain.
    In short he collects blankets and warm clothes whilst in the city, painstakingly goes and pre-surveys the target group (which I assure is mind boggling), manages the group such like I was in, reasons (=argues) during his sitting with respective authorities. What not! Now this he said was an easy part.
    I have seen the man in action. Like the captain in a storm he had to shout and smile. Punish and reward. Manage us and mange the stampede of the crowd that would come in record numbers. And that wasn't as easy crowd. That was an impossible one.
    One time during our passing through the village, entire crown braved in front of our truck. Our camera man was manhandled. Chants and shouts. They wanted few blankets distributed to them before letting us go to another village. One woman in particular was adamant. She wouldn't budge. Funny to some; but can you imagine such revolt in return for a blanket. The fact is people die there everyday because they cannot keep themselves warm. No luxury of getting medical assistance. Perhaps, I would stand in front of the truck if I were them. I would want a free blanket and medical check-up from a stranger. Wouldn't you?


     I was one of the four medical personals. And patient would come to us like they were zombies and we were the sole human survivals. It was heart-warming, frustrating, scary, laborious, rewarding all at the same time. In one if the villages, the team was ready to dispatch, we were already signaled to pack up the medicine box. Something kept me busy. Later to realize the group had left and was waiting me across the field. Some unhappy and angry faces shouting, complaining that we left too early (it was already late); I had to rush but I was cornered by the villagers. I panicked a little, and one woman in particular shouted at me, "they only treat the rich." That wasn't the case. But I think I know what she means. I was rescued by a police.

    Max would often tell us that he was never satisfied. Each day before the sleep he would contemplate there is so much more to be done. During first few days I coundn't understand. I mean isn't he doing so much already? But the day I was cornered and was shouted at, may be, I began to understand what he meant. There is in fact so much to be done.
    And thank god there are people like him doing it.


4.

    I haven't done much good in life. This has been one of the most surreal experience of my life and certainly the most meaningful one. It was so good and so bad at the same time. I have purposely left out the things (good and bad) from writing because some are worth not mentioning for a greater good. This was one of those experiences I'd be telling over and over again. One of those I'd like to remember for it motivated me. You see I intend to find my own way to help sooner or later and "This-Experience-And-The-People-Involved" can proudly take credit for it. Deservedly so.

    On my last day we had to walk back the entire length of "Koshi Tappu Wildlife Reserve" on our way back from infamous village "Gobargada." That was a very long walk. I decided to refrain from being my usual chatty self and walk on my own. I was listening to "Miracles" by Coldplay in loop.

Strangers had become friends.
Awkward handshakes had become high-fives.
Smirk had become shared laughter and inside jokes.
And was thankful for this trip..

    .. thankful for the epiphany; the realization that we could be judgmental about the things we do not know about; that so much could be done with so little if we decide to. Little disappointed because I had to cut the trip short because I was called for a job interview in two days. Little disappointed that I felt so bad at the sight of old woman crying because she had no clothes to wear but I didn't offer her one of my many beanie-hats / sweaters. I felt like a hippocrite. While waiting for our commute to Kathmandu I kept thinking about the entire trip, the people, that woman. Little too late, I decided to leave my coat behind. My favorite coat. I was little hesitant and shy about it. But I left it on a reception desk and decided to call it an accident. I made a phone call, "Dai, I Ieft my coat at the reception desk, would you collect it and make it a part of the donation?"
    To my friends I told that I left it there by accident even before they had asked me. Because I was shy. Its funny how even helping others can make one shy simply because its out of habit.


Care to donate? Call 9801571010.

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October 25, 2014

The Jazz in me.

     There are promises you make to yourself that you fail to keep.

     I broke my laptop. How? Because I am clumsy. And past few months have been exciting. Broken laptop and exciting months? Seems un-coherent but there is a connection; or so I think. Be patient.

     Though terrible at it I love writing. One of my cherished dreams has been to walk into a book store and see my name on a book tucked away on a shelf. I owe thanks to several people who have encouraged me. And in return I say thank you and do nothing. I feel terrible.

     Just few days ago I went to a music fest of a sort "Jazzmandu." My history with Jazz, I have to admit, has not been very good. My misgivings about Jazz had steamed from the handful of Jazz concerts and live performances that I had managed to dragged myself to (don't ask).


     Once I went to a Jazz bar in Shanghai - Cotton Bar if I remember correctly. Large crowd sat huddled over tables, waiting for the live performance to start. The hushed air was palpable with anticipation. We quietly beavered through the pool of tiny tables and grabbed the only available one - right in the front, barely a few feet away from where the musicians stood turning their instruments. Great, I thought agitatedly, calculating the meagre distance between me and the nearest musician, my ears were definitely in for some heavy-duty ringing. Some Jesus looking dude was on saxophone and my friends, Ozy and Jasmine, were tapping their legs. I gave them a wink and was happily pretending to like it (What's wrong with me?). Had to glug another glass of Long Island Iced Tea. But not even a potent mix of vodka, tequila, rum, gin and triple sec had been able to numb my senses. Only fun memory of that night is that we dined and dashed (I was younger and stupider; don't judge). And like I had known I woke up with a pair of ringing ears.


     That was 2011. So here I was in October of 2014; my friend suggested that I accompany him in Jazzmandu on 21st; his birthday. I said yes in a heartbeat. Firstly, because it's his birthday and I am really fond of him. Secondly, Jazzmandu is kind of big. So I got the tickets.


     21st October. We spent a day together; birthday boy and I. One of those days I can truly call meaningful. We reached Yala Maya Kendra dot on time. It was the burden of 2011 misgivings that I heaved on the shoulders of Jazzmandu upon my arrival. With plethora of Jazz bars dotting its historic landscape, Kathmandu has may Jazz lovers and Jazzmandu their Mecca.

     An atmospheric red-bricked hallway greeted us as I gingerly snuck in past the wine sipping audience. Excitedly took the seat on the 1st row (2011 all over again). Cadenza was playing tonight and I hold on to the fact that I love their music; I hold on to the fact that I was with a friend who means a lot to me. Rest I could ignore.
     The 1st movement, a moderate tempo, was unexpectedly light and within minutes, I found myself bringing my hands on my lap; tapping lightly. Several more minutes later as the piano embellished the notes of saxophone with the fusion of tabla, I found myself gradually leaning back, muscles of my body relaxing bit by bit. As the music reached its crescendo, I could feel my spine tingle and there they were - goosebumps dotting my arms. I looked at my friend and said "good birthday yeah."
     I found myself smiling when they fused "tabla and drums", "tabla and Brazilian beat-boxing." My legs sprung into motion as KJ (she was a goddess on stage) started singing in her powerful voice. I promised to love her forever. I let myself lose in the reverberating acoustics.

     Later that night we took a picture with KJ that I proudly posted on my Instagram. The truth was flagrantly winking at me. I do love Jazz. And the next day, on 22nd, I joyfully went to Hotel Yak and Yeti where they had planned Jazzmandu finale. Though there are promises you make to yourself that you fail to keep, I hope I keep these two - that I'll keep writing (no excuses) and that I'll return to Jazzmandu next year. 


     Happy birthday A****O. Thank you for the day. You truly are becoming one of my brightest stars.

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June 12, 2014

But a child at heart...


     


     
      But a child at heart...

    Last year this day I spoke to all who gathered for my birthday dinner themed "The Last Supper." Many of whom I would not see after that day. One of the biggest and the most precious chapter of my life was coming to an end - now clearly a past and a fond memory. And now, just a year later, I couldn't be much happier. Coming back to Kathmandu and not knowing what the next move should be was frightening. But in retrospect its been an adventure like a leisurely summer picnic. Its been one of the most important years of my life and I have all of you to thank for it (you all know who you are). And now I know that embracing the change wholeheartedly is not a bad idea. With the right attitude and the right people "the change" could be exactly what you need. Life is good. And with everything going on I must be God's favorite child. And I'll definitely use all of your wishes. Thank you.

     And to the ones back in Shanghai (and scattered elsewhere) - you guys are still the brightest star in my life.

Stay insanely happy!

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May 5, 2014

"The Man in the Arena"


"The Man in the Arena"
- Excerpt from the speech "Citizen In A Republic"


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

- Theodore Roosevelt on April 23rd, 1910 in Sorbonne, Paris.

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April 23, 2014

let's be adventurers

How about we go into an airport and buy tickets for a random flight?
Or throw a dart at a map and go wherever the hell it lands.

Perhaps we could live in a pent house in Paris.

And go on a midnight stroll in Champs-Élysées,
and walk in the alley where great artists have walked.
Talk. Walk. Drink wine.
And absorb quietly at "The Louvre."

And how about that road-trip we always talked about.

Drive across Spain like a real Spaniard.
Listen to Catalan guitar.
Attend a masquerade.
Be-friend a complete stranger.
Bade goodbye without exchanging whereabouts.

Let's go to Sydney.

Visit 42-Wallby way asking for Mr. P. Sherman.
The place where they found Nemo.
Because Nemo - I LOVE.

Night at the beach in Maldives.

Send message in a bottle and hope it sails far.
Eat that exotic food.
and drink from a coconut.

Darling, let's be fluent in foreign languages.

Experience zero gravity.
And have a silly sting fight.
How about sailing across the world-
and break a world record.
Learn to tap dance.
Visit Japan.
Visit Jamaica.
Sistine Chapel perhaps.
Hike to Machu Picchu.
Dance in the Rio carnival.
Attend "Kings of Leon" and "30 Seconds to Mars" concert.
And see the "Northern Light" - its like circus in the sky.

Or something simple maybe-

Like write something in a wet cement.
Smash a watermelon and start a melon fight.
Rooftop picnic.
And sleeping under the stars.
Hike the nearest hill-
and stay at the top quietly for hours.
Collect books and build a library one day-
so tall that you need a ladder to reach the top shelf.
Buy prayer flags in all colors.

Re-unite with everyone you love.

hug them tight before saying goodbye.

Love, let's be adventurers.

#BucketList
#WanderLust
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February 13, 2014

Never apologize for selfies. NEVER.

Because its been around since centuries. Great creative minds do it. Why shouldn't we?

January 1, 2014

Waves hello. Waves goodbye.

     

     My home screen reads "January 1." Exactly this time last year I was pulling out the confetti's from my hair from the previous night. I looked at my friend and asked what will become of me the next year. I was about to graduate and I had doubts about 2013. We are if anything, creatures of habit - drawn to the safety and comfort of the familiar. The idea of a new life scared me a little. But turned out new was good. In fact it was great. It is really important to to look back and see how much you've grown. If you look back, you see that, in many cases, things happened exactly the way they needed to be. So this new year my wish for you all is to embrace the change whole heatedly. And who knows you might even start liking the change. 2013 was a beautiful and very important chapter of my life. Now clearly a past. Enough reasons to celebrate aaie? =))
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November 4, 2013

Ode to my city - Kathmandu.

Do your puja and then for the love of Kathmandu, step out. Take a walk or take a ride but step out. My goodness, you look beautiful my love, my Kathmandu. (In love again) <3 (My Facebook update).

     It was cold. It was beautiful. Every space filled with light. It was beautiful. Our decision to drive around the city was a good call. We, as in I and my friends, were listening to "Facing West" by The Staves in a loop. This moment was perfect. Beautiful and perfect. I fell in love with the city again (like I ever stopped loving it).

     Dipawali is my favorite festival, always been. Reminds me of everything good in life - light, music, food, family, fun and above all the palpable happiness all around me.

     As we were crossing the bridge in Kupondole, I decided to get off the car. They followed and then we stared at nothingness - silently. My goodness I missed this for six years. Six years of Dipawali lights. Six years of this magical moment. Six years of of Kathmandu at its best. At that moment, at that exact moment I could have been the happiest person alive. Dear blog buds, I wish you get the things you deserve and most importantly deserve the things you get. Stay insaney happy - now and always. =))
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October 30, 2013

Romancing the Winter.

Winter winds - be kind.
Blow them clouds away.
I need stars to blanket the night sky.
I need them to twinkle,
to entertain me.

I watch the train of traffic in a distance,
each with burning headlights.
- Yellow and Red.
And when I look up there is a silhouette of a bird.
Flying.
Free.
And beautiful (so beautiful).
I think of me,
- My life, as I juggle my eyes between the silhouette, yellow and red.
I wonder when did the minute changes took place from then to now.
How beautiful it (my life) was and how it still is.
Ahhh, thank you life.

Eyes still searching for stars.
Oh Winter! Be kind.
#shyless
(30th October - 2013)
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October 23, 2013

One brilliant IDEA, "The Guest Writer." The thought had passed my mind, but I let it pass one too many times. But there are exceptions. This time its my cousin (family before all) who came up with this "I empathize with you" worthy post. But that's not all. I am sharing this because it brought back memories I knew I had been missing all along. So here it is for your reading pleasure. My advice - find your 'disc' pencil and let your dream soar high up (and beyond).

Aastha Shrestha


THAT PENCIL...

     Yesterday I was taking the trash out of my room and something caught my eye in the dustbin, a small, white 'disc' pencil. It took me back to when it all started, my dream of being a writer someday. I took it out from there, with a smile on my face and a heart filled with immense joy and frustration how childhood dreams slowly faded away like the faint vanilla smell of my favorite candles..

     I remember being as passionate about reading as I was about writing or dancing.

     It is surprising how that little pencil made me want to be that child again, that girl with those wide shiny eyes, who was always looking for another book she wanted to read, her favourite pencil packed in her bag along with a spiral notepad, wearing her dancing shoes and her dance moves always ready in her head..

     It sure is a funny feeling when all that you ever thought you would do when you grow up don't match your reality and you name it your hobbies now.

     As you see a child now, their little eyes never stop shining.. And their little hands never stop pointing at things that catches their eyes..

     They're always wishing for a future they may or may not be a part of.. 

     And even though circumstances didn't allow us to be who we dreamt, people like you and me should still make sure they dream.. 

     As for me, little things like that pencil will continue to light the long-lost fire in my 'eager but passionless' eyes.

They'll always leave me thinking.
May be..
I'll always be that 'little girl' in the back of my mind..


- Aastha Shrestha.
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August 9, 2013

The Beautiful End.

     If I am a Romeo then Shanghai would be my Juliet. This however is not an ode to the city that I love. Past 6 years have been a precious chapter of my life - but things end. And quite sadly even the good things do. Last month I went through goodbye of multitude so high that it left a lump in my heart. Now in Kathmandu, the other city I looovvveee, I have all the time in the world to reflect upon the fairy tale like 6 years that I spent in Shanghai. Like every good story have some heroes, mine had some too. It was particularly hard to say goodbye to those. Among the stars in my life they will forever shine the brightest. So this is for them. Not for Shanghai, not for Kathmandu but only for them.



The end...
The beginning...

Perhaps this is the end,
Or the new beginning is it?
They say nothing comes with guarantees,
but right this moment as I write and pause
my beating heart loves you-
like a friend, a brother and a family.
Loves you,
like the only way I should.
And oh'dear - moments makes life.
And I dedicate this moment to you.

And how do I put it short and sweet?
Let's just say-
One day when you are in the crowded room-
full of strangers.
And you need a friend,
I will smile from across the room-
for you - Just for you.
<3
(7th July - 2013)
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