Something snapped and keeping it. Thankfully am liking it.

     Every true, eternal problem is an equally true, eternal fault; every answer an atonement, every realization an improvement.
    Habits are like few bolts in a huge body of machine. I've come to believe that thoughts and intentions cultivate habits. Habits are how we put up with the world and the world puts up with us according to our habits. Some are loud, some chirpy, some have nervous leg shakes, some bite nails, some are nosy, others bossy. List is endless. I'm a big mouth (don't read motor mouth). Impulse has been a driving factor to me. Impulse has made me make hasty decisions, made me do things I wouldn't do without that adrenaline rush, made me do things that makes me proud and some regrets. Yes, some regrets. Impulse has made me snap at people countless times. I've come to learn its also impulse that cultivates habit not only intentions. It comes from a very personal and very proud place when I talk of an impulse. Something happened yesterday. I said and did things I probably shouldn't have said or done. But then, again I'd do it again million times over. Yes, impulse comes handy. It frees you. Impulse made me snap and speak. I think it's linked to the realization that we're not going to live forever and that the way of saying and the language become more important than the story.
     Or is it that the factual story is the real deal. Fact deserves to surface. If snapping out is the way - so be it. Something snapped and am keeping it. Thankfully am liking it. I accept, am not in a happiest place now but things will get better. This feeling too shall pass. Down comes the rain - up comes the sun. But realization is a beautiful thing. It helps to clear the clouds and appreciate the good in life - good things and good people. And I don't have good ones - I've great ones. I can't possibly put in words how incredibly lucky I've been with people. Universe has been kind I've the greatest friends in the world. They're my extended family. Yes, realization is a beautiful thing. I realized something yesterday. While pursuing the life of fantastic and mundane I knowingly ignored the the friendship I was supposed to entertain. Yes knowingly. And after realization it hurts me more than anything to have ignored the shining spot of my life. My love, it was my loss. Things are clear now and I've realized some people are like rock in life. You might slip sometimes but you'll always stand above it. Cherish those rocks. I sure do.
     I've also realized some habits rescue you. I snap hence, I'm super. I'll keep that impulse of mine. I've realized I'd rather keep some of my bad habits. Judge me by the worldly yardstick - big FUCK YOU! Goes without saying - If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure don't deserve me at my best. Miss Monroe knew it all along, it took me a while to realize.

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